NZ Counselling and Psychotherapy

Author: NeelamZahid

Breathwork and Racial Trauma: What the Body Remembers

I stumbled across conscious connected breathwork about four years ago, when I desperately needed some selfcare and I decided to book a day retreat for myself. Not knowing what breathwork was exactly, I was open to finding out what this practice had to offer me. I was curious about how breathwork could meet me in processing my racial trauma and what my body remembers.

In a group of the white majority, I felt conscious of myself being the only person of colour. I was nervous, anxious and slightly frightened – what had I let myself in for? How could I spend the day feeling alone and feeling invisible: a feeling that is familiar to me from when I was a young child in all white spaces. As the introductions began, I noticed no one was sitting next to me – I was alone. There was a void, an emptiness which touched on a historical hurt that I had experienced through being excluded – the covert racism which shreds the soul piece by piece. A few minutes in, someone opened the door, a late arrival. I looked at the door and to my relief, another woman of colour walked in and sat next to me – what a sigh of relief, my body relaxed and I was able to breathe.

As the breathwork was introduced, it was explained that a range of emotions might arise – from tears, to screams to laughter. I listened attentively curious about what might emerge for me and feeling slightly self-conscious of how I might express my emotions and what my body might reveal. I laid down ready for the practice to start, slightly apprehensive but open to what might be possible.

We were guided by the facilitator to breathe in a particular way- something that was new to me. I continued to breathe with my eyes closed. My body felt tight, and I remember trying hard to get the breath right. I continued to breathe. My body felt stiff- I kept breathing, waiting for something to happen, wondering if I was doing it wrong. Nothing seemed to shift.

I stayed there, in that quiet frustration, noticing others around me drop into something I couldn’t seem to access. I could hear sounds, noises, tears, grunts. What was I doing wrong? Then I felt the facilitator kneeling beside me. In a soft voice, she asked if she could hold my hand. I said yes. Still, nothing. Then she asked me to make eye contact with her. As soon as I did, something broke open. The tears came suddenly and fully. It felt like years of holding – pain, grief, something unnamed—began to move. That was my first experience of breathwork. I began to understand how breathwork and racial trauma are connected in my body.

Breathwork and Racial Trauma in the Body

Four years on, I’ve returned to this practice many times, often with the same facilitator. Feeling safe with her was essential. Each workshop would begin slowly – building connection within the group, moving our bodies, becoming reacquainted with ourselves and each other – before moving into the breath itself. That sense of relational safety felt just as important as the practice.

Each time, something different has emerged. I’ve connected with grief that feels older than me, something carried across generations. I’ve felt the imprint of violation in my body, both as a woman and as a woman of colour. I’ve encountered places of neglect and abandonment within myself – ways I had learned to disconnect, to survive. These weren’t always easy experiences, but they felt real. And something in that realness allowed for movement and integration.

At the same time, one thing became increasingly clear to me in these spaces: I was often the only woman of colour, or one of very few. There was a subtle but persistent sense of being outside of the group. At times, I noticed myself holding back, not fully dropping into the work. My body didn’t always feel safe enough to access the depth of what I carry – particularly the impact of my racial trauma. There was a quiet vigilance, a sense of needing to monitor, to stay slightly apart.

This made me reflect on how deeply racialised experience lives in the body. As Resmaa Menakem writes, trauma is held somatically, and healing requires a sense of safety – or at least “safe enough” – within our nervous systems. For me, that safety is not just individual, but relational. It is shaped by who is in the room, whose experiences are mirrored, and whether my body recognises itself in the space around it.

In spaces where that resonance is missing, something important can remain out of reach. The parts of us shaped by racial harm can stay unspoken, unprocessed, still held.

In our book, Therapists Challenging Racism and Oppression: The Unheard Voices, each author shares experiences of racial harm – stories that are often silenced or minimised. Writing my own chapter was part of my healing. Speaking these experiences and having them witnessed in spaces that feel attuned and respectful, has allowed something to shift. It is an ongoing process of integration—of bringing back parts of myself that have had to stay hidden or protected.

This is what has led me to create a workshop called “Untold Stories of Racialised Experience: embodied healing and integration”, to offer a supportive and exploratory space to work with breathwork and racial trauma.

It is a space for people of colour to come together, to share and process experiences of racial harm, and to work with the body through breath. Not as a way to erase what has happened, but as a way to reduce the weight it holds in our bodies and our lives. To move some of what has been carried alone.

Because when we are able to be with these experiences – held, witnessed, and supported – something changes. There can be a little more space. A little less fear. A little more capacity to stand in the world without bracing against it.

If you are interested in exploring how breathwork might support you, you can click on this link for further information. Evolve Breath and Body

If you would like to book a space at my upcoming workshop where we work with breathwork and racial trauma, please click here Untold Stories of Racialised Experience: Embodied Healing and Integration.

To find out more about me click here

April 16, 2026
Why High Functioning Women Often Feel Disconnected or Numb: The Hidden Cost of Coping
There is a particular kind of pain that is difficult to name, especially for high functioning women. It doesn’t erupt loudly or draw attention. It sits quietly behind competence, buried beneath the weight of responsibility and the appearance of having it all together. Many high functioning women carry this pain. They move through life with purpose, with structure, with care. They succeed, hold others, show up. And somewhere along the way, they become very good at surviving. But surviving and living are not the same thing.

The Performance of Strength

We are often praised for our strength. For being reliable, knowing what to do, For picking ourselves up and continuing. And yet, strength can sometimes be a mask. A mask worn so often and so convincingly that even the wearer forgets it’s there. Underneath, there may be something else. A weariness. A sense of disconnection. A feeling of being emotionally flat or oddly absent, even in moments that are meant to feel fulfilling. It can be disorienting. Nothing is obviously wrong. On paper, everything might look ideal. And yet, there’s a subtle but persistent feeling: something isn’t right.

Early Adaptations, Adult Cost

Often, this quiet unease has its roots in the past. In families where emotions were dismissed, or where chaos taught a child to stay small and out of the way. It can be in environments where needs were unmet, boundaries were blurred, or silence was safer than truth. Or perhaps in experiences that weren’t necessarily called “trauma,” but that left behind a residue all the same.

As children, we adapt and learn to be pleasing, competent, invisible, self-sufficient—whatever earns approval or keeps us safe. But the adaptations that protect us in childhood can become constraints in adulthood. The woman who became highly capable may find it difficult to receive care. The one who learned to stay calm in crisis may struggle to know what she feels. The one who never caused trouble may feel her own needs as intrusive or shameful. This isn’t dysfunction. It’s loyalty. The body, the mind, the psyche—all doing what they were taught to do.

What Disconnection Can Feel Like for High Functioning Women

Emotional disconnection is rarely dramatic. It’s often felt in moments that pass unnoticed:
- Losing time or drifting through the day in a fog
- Smiling and responding while feeling strangely distant inside
- Feeling responsible for everyone else, yet unsure how to ask for anything yourself
- Constantly anticipating others’ reactions or needs, while being out of touch with your own
- A chronic sense of being “outside” of your life—observing it, but not in it
These are not signs of failure. They are signs of adaptation. Signs of a nervous system that once needed to fragment in order to survive.

Dissociation: The Quiet Survival Strategy

One of the most common—but often misunderstood—responses to relational trauma is dissociation. It can be as subtle as zoning out, emotionally numbing, or feeling physically removed from one’s own body. It can feel like a distancing from one’s life, relationships, or even selfhood.

For many high functioning women, dissociation is not dramatic. It’s woven into the fabric of coping. It’s what allows you to hold things together. To focus, achieve, care for others, and keep going. And yet, over time, that distance can become unbearable. Life can start to feel muted, unanchored, or strangely unreal. In these moments, it can be easy to blame yourself. To think: I should be grateful. I have so much. Why can’t I feel it? But this isn’t about gratitude. It’s about fragmentation. It’s about how the psyche has protected itself—often brilliantly—but at a cost.

Shame, Silence, and the Inner Critic

Where there is dissociation, there is often shame. Not the loud kind that flares up when something goes wrong, but a quiet, enduring sense of not quite being right. Of being too much, or not enough. Of not being entitled to your own pain. Shame can keep people silent. It can convince you that you’re the only one who feels this way. That others wouldn’t understand. That you should be able to fix it yourself. And so, the cycle continues: high functioning on the outside, self-erasing on the inside. But shame is not truth. It’s a learned response to being unmet. And like all learned responses, it can soften in the presence of something different.

The Work of Reconnection

Reconnection is not an event. It’s a slow return. A movement toward the parts of yourself that have been cut off, buried, or blurred. This might include reconnecting with your body, your emotional world, your boundaries, your voice, or your younger self. It may mean learning to feel again—not just safely, but fully. It may involve grief. Grief for what was missed, what was endured, what was internalised. It may involve rage. A clean, clarifying rage that was once too dangerous to feel. And it often involves confusion. Because this isn’t linear work. There is no single path back. But there is a path—and it can be walked slowly, gently, in the company of someone who doesn’t need you to be “fine.”

Let This Be Enough for Now

This piece isn’t a prescription. It isn’t a call to action. It’s simply a reflection—on how easily pain can be hidden behind competence, and how often high functioning women are quietly carrying the weight of untold stories. If you recognise yourself in any of this, let that recognition be enough for now. You are not the only one. You are not imagining it. And you are not too late to begin listening to the parts of yourself that have long been waiting.

Counselling and Psychotherapy can help. Asking for help takes courage and can be the first step in healing.

Other useful blogs:

Healing Trauma with the Rewind Technique

Related articles:

https://theravadawellness.com/high-functioning-women-and-trauma/
April 15, 2025
Muslim Women Heroes

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It’s not about the Burqa (editor Mariam Khan) is a collection of 17 essays written by a diverse group of Muslim women who are not ashamed of saying what they think and feel. In fact, this book unapologetically challenges the stereotypes projected onto Muslim women and the media’s portrayal of them. A refreshing collection of insightful, inspiring and honest stories give the reader a glimpse of what it is like to be a Muslim woman in an ever growing Islamophobic, racist and misogynistic world.

This book comes at a particularly important time when only last year Boris Johnson wrote in the telegraph, “If you tell me that the burka is oppressive, then I am with you. If you say that it is weird and bullying to expect women to cover their faces, then I totally agree”. He goes onto say, “I would go further and say that it is absolutely ridiculous that people should choose to go around looking like letter boxes”. Tell MAMA, a national independent anti-Muslim hatred project, report that in the week following publication of this article, abuse incidents jumped by 375%, and more than half of these attacks were directed at Muslim women who wore the niqab. This is not the first time Muslim women have been at the forefront of sexist and Islamophobic remarks from white middle class men. In 2016 David Cameron linked the radicalisation of Muslim men to the “traditional submissiveness of Muslim women”.

We Muslim women do not need these types of comments being made from those in power. In these comments, I hear white men in power dehumanising and humiliating Muslim women, and a need to control them – ironically something Muslim men are accused of doing. Not only are these comments dangerous, but they are derogatory, offensive and degrading – what better way to make a minority group feel even more disempowered? And what better way to drip-feed the public an Islamophobic and misogynistic agenda.

In fact, I wonder whether the burqa or hijab has become a symbol to white men in power that Muslim women choose not to be sexualised or buy into the global capitalistic agenda which is supported by the fashion industry. I wonder if the sexualisation of the hijab through the fashion industry is a way to seduce Muslim women back into the control of the white men who run the show. Afia Ahmed discusses this and the impact of a multimillion-dollar industry now dedicated to hijabi fashion in It’s not about the Burqa.

I am not denying that some women are coerced into wearing the hijab or burka when they do not want to; this is a clear form of domestic abuse. I also do not wish to open up a debate about what Muslim women should be allowed to do and not do because even by asking that question, I am assuming that the question is up for debate which it is not. What It’s not about the Burqa does, is that it boldly invites us into the world of many different Muslim women who do not fit into the stereotype of being “submissive” and dispels the myths of Islam being oppressive to women. Aina Khan a family lawyer says:

“In Islam, a woman can keep her own property, her earnings, and even her own name after marriage. Although in an Arabic, Asian or African context, a man has full control over his wife, Islam asks women to stand on their own feet within a marriage contract. If she wants tafweed (an equal right to divorce), she can put it in the marriage contract. If she does not want her husband to take another wife, she makes that a condition. If she wants maintenance after divorce, she can stipulate that to protect herself.” (p195)

There is no doubt that misogyny and sexism exist within the Muslim community and this has prevented Muslim women from knowing their rights and therefore being able to exercise their equality within Islam. However, we cannot underestimate the power of the political agenda reinforced by the likes of Boris Johnson – that Muslim women are submissive, oppressed and passive. A great example of how wrong this stereotype can be, is depicted in another great essay written by journalist Salma Haidrani, who writes:

“I was hoping to shed light on the limited opportunities for Muslim women in the UK to explore their sexuality when most mainstream sex shops – which often have explicit store fronts – could be intimidating for them. I hoped that readers would recognise just how far the UK’s first halal sex shop, which offered a nudity-free buying experience, could service to empower Muslim women. I was the first person in the UK to profile the halal sex shop in depth” (p128).

Now that does not sound like a submissive Muslim woman to me! One of my favourite essays in It’s not about the Burqa is written by Sufiya Ahmed who writes about the prophet’s Muhammed’s first wife Khadija who “sowed the seeds of feminism” in her mind. Khadija was a businesswoman 15 years older than the prophet who “was the wealthiest merchant in Mecca, and was known as Al-Tahira, the Pure One, for her honesty and integrity” (p31). This essay is a good reminder that feminism is not a western concept ‘discovered’ by white western women – just like Columbus did not ‘discover’ the Americas. This book importantly reminds us that Muslim women and Islam are presented to us in the western world through an Islamophobic, misogynistic and racist lens. Therefore, it is important to share as many Muslim voices as possible to challenge this archaic and frankly quite boring rhetoric.

The Unsung Heroes

What this book made me realise, was that we Muslim women are not celebrated as much as our non-Muslim counterparts. Not only do we face Islamophobia and racism, but we also face misogyny inside and outside our communities. Social media reflects this bias and perpetuates the stereotypes of Muslim women being submissive and oppressed. I challenge this perception of Muslim women and want to start celebrating the many achievements of Muslim women which go unrecognised and overlooked in the world.

In support of raising awareness and celebrating Muslim women worldwide, I will be sharing a daily social media post of different Muslim women who have inspired me and enriched my life. And I am also inviting you to share a story of an inspirational  Muslim woman on social media using #MuslimWomenHeroes. Make it go far and wide, so that everyone is exposed to more positive stories of Muslim women, because Lord only knows that us women make a massive difference this world.

Glossary

Burqa/Burka – outer piece of clothing that covers the body and face, with a mesh grill or window across the eyes.

Halal – religiously acceptable according to Muslim law

Hijab – meaning “partition’ or ‘curtain’, colloquially used to refer to a scarf that covers the head

Niqab – a veil worn by some Muslim women in public, covering all of the face apart from the eyes.

Other useful blogs:

Terrorism: how the world is reacting to a violent colonial history

References

Khan, M. (2019) It’s Not About the Burqa: Muslim Women on Faith, Feminism, Sexuality and Race. Picador. London.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/08/05/denmark-has-got-wrong-yes-burka-oppressive-ridiculous-still/

Tell MAMA https://tellmamauk.org

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/terrorism-in-the-uk/12104556/David-Cameron-More-Muslim-women-should-learn-English-to-help-tackle-extremism.html

October 28, 2019
Death: why are we so afraid to talk about it?

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You might be wondering why I chose to blog about death – well, because it is an area of life which intrigues me, scares me and saddens me. It is a topic which we do not often talk about unless it affects us directly, and even then, it can be difficult to know what to say or how to behave around this topic – I do not believe that it is morbid to talk about it or connect with our feelings, fears and worries about it. In fact, I think that it is quite healthy to acknowledge and process that this life will end, so that we can go on to live fulfilling lives.

I am not going to talk in clichés about how the deep awareness of the existential truth of death, can jump start us into connecting with our own lives, or how it can reflect the process of a new beginning: although there might be some truth to these clichés; my questions are around what our relationship with death is. As society has changed over the years, the meaning of life has shifted and changed, so it is not surprising that the meaning of the end of life will also change.

Within the western world, I see us being quite silent and detached from death unless it affects us directly. There is a pre-occupation within the media with how we can stay young, live for longer whilst looking vibrant and unwrinkled. Time and time again, I see films or read books about being immortal or the quest to obtain eternal life. For me, this shows our preoccupation with wanting to live forever and to find a way to cheat the inevitable.

Questions about death

I have lots of questions about death. What will it feel like? Will it hurt? If I am conscious, will I feel at ease with it? What happens after death? Will I be able to see myself dead? Do people who have faith in a God or higher power find it easier to come to terms with death?

I am sure I am not alone in thinking these kinds of questions. And I am sure, there are a million one other questions about death which most of us find difficult to verbalise. I have noticed that over the last few years, a number of death café’s have been popping up. They say on their website “At a Death Cafe people drink tea, eat cake and discuss death. Our aim is to increase awareness of death to help people make the most of their (finite) lives”. I think it is really healthy and supportive to have an opportunity to talk about the questions we have and share these with others.

Similarly, death doulas are becoming more common amongst us to support and assist people at their end of life. They say on their website Living Dying well “Doulas are trained in supporting people at the beginning (birth doulas) and end of life. ‘End of Life Doulas’ walk alongside the individual, their family and their community as an informed companion. They go on to say:

“Doulas are not a new idea. In indigenous cultures around the globe, and for thousands of years, people have stayed in their homes to die, looked after by their family and local community. In the western world, this concept has been undermined by a gradual shift towards hospitalisation, taking responsibility away from the person and those around them. However, it’s possible to make death an intimate, spiritual and peaceful experience for everyone involved, whether medical support is required or not”.

With isolation being a prevalent issue amongst our society at large, having support around death issues feels important to support people in a western society which is less community based than other cultures.

And as we come towards the end of this blog…

One of the things that we can be certain about in this life, is death- everything comes to an end, and everything dies. Depending on which culture or religion one belongs to, or is brought up in, death means different things. There are also different rituals associated with death, different ceremonies to mark the deceased, different rites of passage to honour the deceased and their soul, spirit or life. For example, Tibet has sky burials, whilst Ghana has fantasy coffins. What is common to all cultures, is the special marking of this rite of passage.

Death is most certainly one of the most life changing times of a person’s life, as we lose people to a realm, a dimension, we actually know very little about, despite what religion or spiritual practises teach us. One thing is for sure, without death, there is no life, and without life, there is no death – this cycle is universal, and exists on a micro-level, and on a macro-level, from a plant dying, to a star or galaxy dying.

As my mother used to say, no one really knows what death has in store for us, because no one has died, and come back to tell the tale.

Other useful blogs:

Dreams: are they the royal road to your unconscious?

Resources

Death Café https://deathcafe.com/c/United_Kingdom/

End of Life Doula UK – Doing Death Differently https://eol-doula.uk/

If you would like counselling or support for any of the issues mentioned in this blog, you can contact me for further information.

July 19, 2019
Healing Trauma with the Rewind Technique

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Many people who come to see me for therapy, have normally had some experience of trauma in their childhood or adult lives. Their trauma is normally psychological and is an emotional response to an event or an experience which is deeply distressing or disturbing. It may include being involved in an accident, having an illness or injury, losing a loved one, or going through a divorce. Or it may include experiences such as childhood abuse, violence or neglect.

Complex trauma normally describes exposure to multiple traumatic events and is often invasive with wide-ranging, long-term effects. These events are severe and pervasive, such as abuse or profound neglect. They can also include developmental trauma which normally takes place in the early years of a child’s life and can impact the child’s neurological, cognitive, and psychological development. Dr Nadine Burke Harris writes extensively about how childhood trauma can affect health long term, and explains how repeated abuse and neglect can have such a detrimental effect in the video How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime

Because of these traumatic events, some people can develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which can include the following symptoms:

•    Anger

•    Persistent feelings of sadness and despair

•    Flashbacks

•    Unpredictable emotions

•    Physical symptoms, such as nausea and headaches

•    Intense feelings of guilt, as if they are somehow responsible for the event

•    An altered sense of shame

•    Feelings of isolation and hopelessness

The Rewind Technique – fast phobia and trauma treatment

The Rewind Technique is a treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), phobias and anxiety. For many years, severe anxiety-based conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder or phobias were considered only treatable through long, painful exposure therapy, and sometimes not at all. The rewind technique is a comfortable and effective treatment that can greatly reduce, and even remove, traumatic or phobic symptoms quickly through relaxation and guided imagery, all without even having to talk about the details of the traumatic incident(s) in question. This technique has originated from NLP and is also known as the Visual/Kinaesthetic Dissociation technique. The rewind technique can help reduce or in some cases remove the following PTSD symptoms:

•    Flashbacks

•    Intrusive thoughts or images

•    Nightmares

•    Intense distress at real or symbolic reminders of the trauma

•    Physical sensations such as pain, sweating, nausea or trembling

How does the Rewind Technique work?

The key to understanding how the rewind technique works is to understand how both non-threatening memories and traumatic memories are processed.

Information from a non-traumatic event will normally be transferred from short-term memory (also known as working memory) to long-term memory through a very old part of the brain called the hippocampus. However, during a traumatic experience, because the body’s survival mechanism (fight, flight or freeze response) is activated, the presence of stress hormones within the body inhibits the hippocampus from processing the information in the usual way. Therefore, the memory of the traumatic event becomes trapped or stuck in short-term memory and a person will feel like they are involuntarily reliving the traumatic event in the form of flashbacks, nightmares, repetitive and distressing images or physical sensations.

Since the rewind technique is performed whilst in a state of deep relaxation, the body is not in a state of high alert and therefore will not produce the same hormones which inhibit the hippocampus from working normally. Therefore, the brain can process the memory of the trauma calmly, transferring it from short-term memory to long term memory.

What happens during the Rewind Technique?

The rewind technique is completed when someone is in a deep state of relaxation. To achieve this level of relaxation, the client is taken through a guided visualisation into their “safe place” which is a place where they feel totally at ease and peaceful. From this imagined safe place, the client is asked by the therapist to visualise a TV screen on which they watch themselves watching a ‘film’ of the traumatic event that is still affecting them without seeing the picture on the TV screen (double dissociation).

They go on to imagine rewinding backwards through the trauma as if they were a character in a video that is being rewound, and then watch the same images in fast forward (dissociation). This cycle is repeated several times with each traumatic memory.

How effective is the Rewind Technique?

I have been using the rewind technique for approximately 5 years now and have been absolutely amazed at the results. Clients have reported a marked improvement with their anxiety-related symptoms, and often tell me that they feel like they have a new relationship with their old traumatic memories. The great thing about this technique is that it is completely safe and does not come with the risks of re-traumatising the client, unlike some talking therapies. You can read more about why some trauma treatments can be unhelpful in the blog Why There’s No Need to Relive the Trauma All Over Again by Mark Tyrrell.

In my experience, the rewind technique is a versatile treatment. It can be used as a stand-alone treatment for phobias such as fear of flying which normally requires 1-2 sessions. Or it can be used for more complex multiple trauma such as sexual abuse or assault which can sometimes work better when integrated with ongoing talking therapy. Everyone I see for the rewind technique is required to have an initial assessment with me to explore if this treatment is suitable and if so, how many sessions might be required. For further information about how the rewind technique could help, you can contact me for a further discussion.

Other useful blogs:

Child Sexual Abuse within BAME Communities

Eating Disorders: the war on food

July 16, 2019
Child Sexual Abuse within BAME Communities
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Child sexual abuse can happen anywhere. It can happen in all types of families, within all races, religions, and socio-economic groups. However, within black and ethnic minority groups, this form of abuse continues to be under-reported and unidentified.

NSPCC define child sexual abuse (CSA) as when a child is forced or persuaded to take part in sexual activities (All Wales Child Protection Review Group, 2008; Department for Education, 2018; Department of Health, Social Services and Public Safety, 2017; Scottish Government, 2014). This may involve physical contact or non-contact activities and can happen online or offline.

Contact

This kind of abuse involves activities where an abuser makes physical contact with a child and can include:
- sexual touching of any part of the body, whether the child is wearing clothes or not
- forcing or encouraging a child to take part in sexual activity
- making a child take their clothes off or touch someone else’s genitals
- rape or penetration by putting an object or body part inside a child’s mouth, vagina or anus.
Non-contact abuse

This kind of abuse involves activities where there is no physical contact and can include:
- flashing at a child
- encouraging or forcing a child to watch or hear sexual acts
- not taking proper measures to prevent a child from being exposed to sexual activities by others
- making a child masturbate while others watch
- persuading a child to make, view or distribute child abuse images (such as performing sexual acts over the internet, sexting or showing pornography to a child)
- making, viewing or distributing child abuse images
- allowing someone else to make, view or distribute child abuse images
- meeting a child following grooming with the intent of abusing them (even if abuse did not take place)
- sexually exploiting a child for money, power or status (child sexual exploitation).
Child Sexual Abuse within BAME communities

The Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP) reported that out of 2083 identified victims 61% were white, 3% were Asian, 1% were black and 33% were recorded as unknown. The reason why children and young people from BAME backgrounds might be underrepresented in statistics and research is that their ethnicity is not recorded, or they are not recognised by statutory services.

The Office of the Children’s Commissioner for England (2012) found that children from BAME backgrounds were normally identified by BME, faith and statutory and voluntary sector youth justice agencies and rarely by professionals such as the police or local authority children’s services. BAME young people were usually identified in relation to peer or peer exploitation in a group or gang. This suggests that BAME young people are criminalised and therefore not seen as victims. Professionals may also hold stereotypes of certain cultures and believe that child sexual abuse or incest is “normal” in certain BAME communities.

Cultural Barriers to Breaking the Silence

As well as certain professionals failing BAME victims of child sexual abuse, some barriers to breaking the silence within BAME communities lies within the community itself. Culture can also impact victims and there are many reasons why people may not speak out. One reason might be that to admit CSA exists within BAME communities would damage their reputation and may reinforce the perception of the community as an inferior ethnic group. Since BAME communities have a history of oppression, prejudice and racism, and are still discriminated against, there may be a need to protect themselves from a society in which they feel scapegoated and attacked by.

It is also important to look at the dynamics of power within cultures. Some cultures are based on the importance of family relationships, honour and respect for elders. Therefore, disclosure of CSA may be viewed as disrespectful to their elders or those in authority. Since the word of elders is held in such high regard, the victim may implicitly trust the actions and behaviour of those in authority and therefore not question the abuse. Many of my Asian clients who were sexually abused in childhood have talked about elders’ authority feeling unquestionable. Similarly, in patriarchal cultures where it might be difficult to challenge “male superiority,” CSA can be even more difficult to disclose. The mother or women in the community/family may have little authority which can leave the child in a vulnerable and exposed position because they are powerless to help the child. These cultural factors are extremely powerful in keeping the child or adult silent about child sexual abuse. Betrayal, disrespect and dishonour are key components of keeping CSA hidden.

Counselling for Child Sexual Abuse Victims

Seeking psychotherapy and counselling for childhood sexual abuse is itself difficult and challenging. For those within the BAME community, the challenge of seeking help can be even more multi-layered and complex. Not only do they bring their experience of abuse into the therapy room, but also their cultural norms and historical past. For example, for a client who may be expected to disclose their abuse to a white professional who has historically been their oppressor, it will take more courage and confusion than someone without this background. Therefore, it is important for the client to have a choice about who they see for therapy so that the cycle of abuse, control and power is not re-enacted in the counselling process.

In addition to this, the counselling process itself can be challenging for those in the BAME community who have experienced childhood sexual abuse. For instance, traditional counselling is based on an individual sense of self where the person is encouraged to have a strong sense of boundaries, separateness and inner private space. However, not all cultures work in this way. In collective cultures, blame, shame and pain are held by the family, clan or tribe which can introduce a different dynamic within the counselling room which needs to be carefully and sensitively explored. With the right therapist who can work in a culturally open and sensitive way, the trauma of abuse can be worked through and clients can learn to feel empowered in a culturally safe therapeutic relationship.

It is essential for people from BAME backgrounds to seek help for their history of child sexual abuse. It is even more important for professionals within public services and the caring professions to address the inequality facing BAME victims of childhood sexual abuse and not continue the cycle of abuse. Professionals being in the position of power, have a responsibility to understand the challenges ethnic minorities in Britain face with their journey of CSA in a white privileged society and be proactive in addressing some of these issues. For those who have experienced child sexual abuse, breaking the silence of abuse takes courage; therefore, it is imperative for those who hold the power to be the voice to support the victims become survivors.

Further support

Childline https://www.childline.org.uk/ Telephone no: 0800 1111 (free phone)

The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC) Call 0808 801 0331 free from all landlines and mobiles www.napac.org.uk

SurvivorsUK Helpline Web Chat. National Web Chat for adult male survivors of rape or sexual. Text: 020 3322 1860. Whatsapp: 07491 816 064. www.survivorsuk.org

The Survivors Trust. http://thesurvivorstrust.org/national-helplines/

Other useful blogs:

Starting the Process of Emotional De-colonisation

Healing Trauma with the Rewind Technique

Eating Disorders: the war on food

References

Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP) (2011) Out of mind, out of sight: breaking down the barriers to child sexual exploitation: executive summary. London

Office of the Children’s Commissioner (2012). ‘I thought I was the only one. The only one in the world’. The Office of the Children’s Commissioner’s Inquiry into Child Sexual Exploitation in Gangs and Groups. Interim report. England

https://www.csepoliceandprevention.org.uk/sites/default/files/cse_guidance_bame.pdf
June 18, 2019
Ramadan: the challenge of fasting with an eating disorder

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It is currently the holy month of Ramadan which is the ninth month of the Islamic lunar calendar. Millions of Muslims worldwide will be abstaining from food, water, smoking and sexual activity from sunrise to sunset. It is a month which marks when the Quran was first revealed to the prophet Muhammed and is a time for reflection, prayer, charity, community and spiritual connectedness.

However, for someone with an eating disorder, it can be a challenging and difficult time. Eating disorders can involve eating too little or too much, and/or becoming obsessed with body weight and body shape. Normally, someone with an eating disorder will exhibit an unhealthy relationship with food, their body and themselves to the point where it has taken over their life and made them unwell, sometimes threatening their life. You can read more about the different kinds of eating disorders in my previous blog “Eating Disorders: the war on food.”

What is Ramadan?

Ramadan is based on the Islamic lunar calendar and therefore each year Ramadan starts 11 days earlier in the Gregorian calendar lasting for 29 or 30 days depending on the sighting of the new moon which signifies the start of a new lunar month. Each fast can last between 10-20 hours per day depending on the season and location and typically starts with a meal before sunrise (suhoor) and ends with a meal at sunset (iftaar). Both meal times are community or family activities with the focus very much on eating and food.

The purpose of Ramadan is to surrender, be disciplined and feel gratitude through the practise of fasting. Taking part in Ramadan is one of the pillars of Islam and is obligatory for those who are well physically and mentally. Furqan et al (2019) clarify who is exempt from fasting:

“Several groups are exempted from the religious requirement to fast, including women who are menstruating, pregnant women whose health could be negatively affected, people who are travelling, children, the elderly, and people who are acutely and chronically ill, both with physical or mental illness. Illness severity and the possibility of exacerbating the condition by fasting are to be taken into account, and Muslims with such conditions are advised to consult with both a medical professional and a religious scholar about the safety and advisability of fasting before each Ramadan, where appropriate.”

This is supported by a key Surat (chapter) Al-Baqarah (2:185) in the Quran which states:

“The month of Ramadhan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur’an, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion. So whoever sights [the new moon of] the month, let him fast it; and whoever is ill or on a journey – then an equal number of other days. Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful”.

So theoretically, someone with a chronic mental health condition such as an eating disorder, is exempt from fasting during the month of Ramadan.

Fasting when you have an eating disorder.

Ramadan can be a triggering and difficult time for someone with an eating disorder. The focus on restricted food (fasting) and then over-indulging with food (iftar meal) can evoke many difficult feelings for people who have disordered thinking about food. An article published by Beat called “Ramadan: Still in the grips of anorexia” highlights some of the issues triggered by Ramadan. Habiba, the author of this article says:

“Ramadan brings out a lot of negative emotions and triggers for me. But this year, having a choice to fast or not to fast and still seeing Ramadan as a chance to lose weight and to become sicker is not helping and confirms, yet again, that I am not in a good state of mind to fast safely. I don’t see it as a religious thing. So if I fast, I will be doing it for the wrong reasons.”

Habiba very clearly identifies how Ramadan is a time to practise fasting, not starvation and this distinction is not easy to make for someone with an eating disorder. Restricted eating (fasting) should not become restricting eating with an anorexic mindset to deprive oneself to a point of self-harm. Similarly, for those suffering from bulimia, breaking fast during iftar, should not become an opportunity to over-indulge to the point of wanting to purge.

Habiba goes on to explain her disordered thinking:

“Rationally, of course I know that I must not fast if I am still in that eating disordered mindset. I know that health and my recovery comes first. But anorexia is so powerful that even if I say I will not take part, I will most definitely act on behaviours because everywhere I go, there will be someone fasting, someone talking about how much they’re “starving” and restricting will be inevitable. Plus, there will be triggering food everywhere and everyone will be talking about food.”

Iftar in the western world is normally a time of communal eating with an abundance of food – over indulgence during this time is discouraged but is common. It is a time when families and communities come together and joyfully break fast together with a sense of togetherness and connection. However, for someone with an eating disorder, this time of day is a major trigger point and can heighten a sense of internal isolation and feelings of being self-conscious when eating publicly amongst family and friends. This can be compounded by the secrecy accompanying this condition which is something the person with an eating disorder is very familiar with.

Shame and guilt are common feelings for someone suffering from an eating disorder during Ramadan. Having to explain to others why they are not fasting can be a humiliating and painful experience. I have heard many people with eating disorders describe feeling judged when they have explained that they are not fasting; I question whether it is an act of kindness and compassion to refrain from asking someone if they are fasting or not for these reasons.

Conclusion

The Quran is clear about fasting during Ramadan and those who are exempt from it. For someone with a severely disordered relationship with food, it is paramount to abstain from fasting during Ramadan and/or any other time of the year. Although there are not any major studies which show the effects of fasting on people with eating disorders, two smaller studies have shown potential worsening of disordered eating during Ramadan, suggesting that clinicians might need to monitor those at risk of disordered eating more closely during this month (Akgül, Derma &, Kanbur, 2014; Bhadrinath, 1990)

It is essential to seek support and guidance if you or someone you know has an eating disorder especially during the month of Ramadan. Seeking help from a mental health professional with Islamic knowledge is crucial for Muslims with eating disorders. It is also important to remember that the month of Ramadan is not just about fasting – it is also known as the month of the Quran, and there are alternatives to fasting. For example, paying a donation of money or food to help those in need is obligatory (Fidyah) if one is not fasting. Other alternatives during Ramadan if one cannot fast, is to do charitable work and help others, and/or increase worship and read the Quran.

It is important to remember that food can represent many things to different people. For those with an eating disorder, eating too much or too little is often a way of managing difficult and uncomfortable emotions. For these people Ramadan can reinforce this disordered thinking and in some situations be harmful or life threatening. Ramadan is an opportunity to grow and develop spiritually, not to cause damage or create a risk to one’s life. For some people with chronic physical and mental health conditions, not fasting during Ramadan is the biggest battle of all.

Further help and support

MCAPN (Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network)

Muslim Youth Helpline

BEAT

Other useful blogs:

Eating Disorders: the war on food

Child Sexual Abuse within BAME Communities

References

Akgül S, Derman O, Kanbur ON. Fasting during Ramadan: a religious factor as a possible trigger or exacerbator for eating disorders in adolescents. Int J Eat Disord 2014; 47: 905–10.

Bhadrinath BR. Anorexia nervosa in adolescents of Asian extraction. Br J Psychiatry 1990; 156: 565–68.

Zainab Furqan, Rania Awaad, Paul Kurdyak, Muhammad I Husain, Nusrat Husain, *Juveria Zaheer (2019) Considerations for clinicians treating Muslim patients with psychiatric disorders during Ramadan. The Lancet Psychiatry. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/S2215-0366(19)30161-0

May 21, 2019
Terrorism: how the world is reacting to a violent colonial history

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It is a lovely day today. The sun is out, there is a light breeze and I can smell the warmth of spring. The weather has been like this for the last few weeks, and I would normally feel quite excited to see the daffodils and crocuses making an appearance. However, I am carrying a heavy feeling in my heart. Since the New Zealand terrorist attacks on 15^th March 2019, I am experiencing the start of spring this year differently to how I would normally. A part of me feels grey and lifeless- another part of me feels numb and frozen.

On the morning of the 15^th March, I turned on my radio to hear the news of the attacks – another attack I thought. I was blasé about it to begin with and ignored it, carrying on with my day as usual. I was in this state of denial for about a week avoiding listening to any news reports or reading any social media posts. Even when people attempted to speak to me about it, I did not really have much to say. I did not feel anything – I was numb, I was in shock. And then it hit me when I watched a video of a non-Muslim mourner in New Zealand talking about the attack. I saw how this white New Zealand woman was devastated by what had happened in her home town – she was wearing a hijab for solidarity and her words were full of sympathy and love for her Muslim community. I could see the hurt in her eyes and feel the pain in her heart; it was only then that I could finally feel my own sadness, sorrow and grief.

I have been carrying this sadness in my heart since then, but I have also connected to my rage. I feel vulnerable, frightened and angry. I feel angry that these attacks keep happening again and again and I feel frustrated that no one in power is addressing the root of the problem. None of the world leaders are taking responsibility for the racial terrorism that is taking place in the world today but instead are fuelling it with racist political decisions which not only perpetuate the attacks but ignite the historical rage within the terrorist.

Where is the acknowledgement that racist terrorist attacks by extremists are related to the world’s history of oppression, discrimination and persecution? Can New Zealand confidently say that this terrorist attack is not connected to colonial terrorism in its history?

Dr Asim Qureshi, a counter-terrorism expert writes about the importance of remembering colonial violence in the narrative around the terrorist attacks in Christchurch. He cites a quote from Dr Ranginui Walker’s Ka Whawhai Tonu Matou/Struggle Without End, which reminds us of the Māori struggle against colonialism and colonialism in New Zealand. Walker writes:

“The outcomes of colonisation by the turn of the century was impoverishment of the Maori, marginalisation of the elders and chiefly authority and a structural relationship of Pakeha [white] dominance and Maori subjection. So total was Pakeha dominance at a time when the Maori population had fallen to its lowest point of 45,549, that the coloniser deluded himself into thinking he had created a unified nation state of one people whereby amalgamation of the races would resolve once and for all the problem of the Maori.”

Often people can forget or deny the extreme violence which accompanied colonialism and how current terrorism is related to this. Violence in New Zealand is nothing new -the nation was built on extreme violence. The history of colonisation has been removed from any contemporary significance which can often distort our ideas of how we understand terrorism and extremism. Dr Asim Qureshi reminds us that certain people in New Zealand have been given a privileged position off the back of the indigenous population and says:

“When violence is committed against that history and embedded within every single structure of the state, then coupled with the politics of problematising Māori and othering Muslims and immigrants, this leads to the structural racism and violence we witness today. This violence does not always manifest itself in killing and mass murder, but the violence is every day. It exists on the streets, in places of employment, in police stations, in courts, in parliament and propagated within the media”.

It would be wise to remember that this statement does not only relate to the nation of New Zealand, but also relates to millions of people affected by colonialization across the world who carry the scars of racism and abuse in their bodies and psyches. In my blog “Starting the Process of Emotional Decolonialisation” I talk about this trauma and how transgenerational trauma is more far-reaching than we could ever imagine. We cannot begin to understand extremism and terrorism if we do not address the expressed rage in the context of colonialization and worldwide racist ideology.

Other useful blogs:

Black Empathy: can we be empathic if we are colour blind in the therapy room?

Starting the Process of Emotional De-colonisation

Can Transcultural therapy address the issues of racism within psychotherapy?

References

https://thespinoff.co.nz/atea/20-03-2019/new-zealand-cannot-erase-colonial-terrorism-from-its-history/?fbclid=IwAR35dP5rl_uBhSgf1ik1urepT5XmBdNsYDJv2kE_QdOAeefmPbs4jSq-4L8

April 30, 2019
Mindfulness is Self-Care
Mindfulness is self-care and it’s everywhere right now – it has offered people something different in their lives which is proving to be very powerful. It has provided people with a practical solution to manage their stress and anxiety and seems to have filled a gap or void within people which may have once been filled with religion, spirituality or community. You can read more about how mindfulness works, and the benefits in my earlier blog “Anyone for Mindfulness?”.

Many people associate practising mindfulness with doing a formal practise whilst sitting in a class with a group of people or by themselves at home. While it can be very helpful and supportive to practise mindfulness in this way, the truth is, that this practice is not just about completing a course and then stopping – it is a way of life – it’s self-care.

In this blog, I want to talk more about the informal use of mindfulness and how we can use it as a form of self-care. I recently read some literature written by Stephen Rechtschaffen about rhythms and rituals and how important they are to slow down life and connect us to the present moment. I started thinking about how rituals can be part of living mindfully, and how in this modern, fast-moving society, rituals are skipped or overlooked in favour of “doing” rather than “being”. With a societal focus on achievement, we have lost many of the cultural rituals that give us the opportunity to take a break from everyday living such as having Sunday lunch or taking part in religious festivals.

I remember during my busy days as a counsellor in higher education I would quite often eat lunch at my desk whilst writing up notes or doing some kind of admin – needless to say I felt constantly stressed. Now, I understand how important it is to change my rhythm during meal times and mindfully walk away from my office and eat in a separate area to where I am working – this helps me to take a conscious break and enjoy my food without being constantly on the go – this is self-care.

We have so many different rituals that help us slow down and change gear and shift into the present moment; for example, some people change their clothes when they come home from work, take a bath with music at the end of the day, or potter about in the garden on the weekend. Mindfulness is essentially a slowing down from the busyness of our minds and the world – it helps us connect to what is going on within us and around us – rituals help us change gear, slow down and become mindful, so that we can change pace and prepare for engaging in the next moments of our day. Perhaps you can think of some of the rituals you do on a daily basis, and next time you engage in them, be mindful when you do them – bring your attention to the sensations of the ritual and notice if your rhythm stays the same or changes.

Why is it important to slow doave no downtime or relaxation, we will feel more anxious, stressed and overwhelmed – if a computer is constantly on and working, at some point it will overheat and stop working – it is the same with us human beings. When we feel overwhelmed, stressed or anxious, we can become unwell emotionally and physically which can have long-lasting consequences.

Having said this, I do understand the resistance to slowing down for some people – our emotions can be difficult to face, and some people may want to avoid connecting with how they feel. Life speeds up when we are constantly avoiding what we are feeling by keeping busy and leaving no space for ourselves. Living authentically requires us to feel a range of emotions however difficult they may be – we cannot feel true joy if we do not allow ourselves to feel pain. Avoiding feelings can cause us to feel flat and grey inside which makes us disconnected with ourselves and the world we live in. Giving time to our rituals can help us take care of ourselves and nurture the part of us that might be struggling or feel depleted.

Some rituals for slowing down.
- Take a few mini-breaks during the day to concentrate on breathing.
- Get to work meetings early so you can compose yourself before the others arrive.
- Pause after you finish one project or activity before starting another. If possible, make the pause last for several minutes.
- Whilst waiting for a lift, the photocopier to finish, the bus/train to arrive, time-shift into the present and connect to your senses instead of feeling the rush or anxiety of waiting.
- On your calendar, make appointments with yourself. Use this time for planning, napping or simply breathing and thought.
- Eat meals in a separate space to where you work.
- Go for a walk at lunchtime and connect with the space around you.
- After a vacation, plan a day of transition before you go back to work.
- Take a wellbeing day now and then.
If you would like to try some mindfulness, why not register for my 8-week online mindfulness course called “Mindfulness for Transformation”? Transform your life with mindfulness, so that you do not miss your appointment with life.

Mindful breathing anchors us in the present — a quiet return to the body, to awareness, and to life unfolding in real time. This image of blue mountains reflects the stillness and spaciousness cultivated through meditation

Other useful blogs:

Anyone for Mindfulness?

Mindfulness downloads

Resources:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/mindfulness/about-mindfulness/
March 26, 2019
Racial Identity: the stages of development
Racial Identity: the stages of development – why this might be important in your development.

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Since starting my own private practice, I have been acutely aware of the cultural backgrounds of people who contact me for counselling. Since I have worked within higher education for most of my counselling career this was never really an issue for me; clients were allocated to me purely based on the available counsellor within the team. Occasionally there might have been a discussion within the team if a client had specifically asked for a counsellor with my cultural background but on the whole, students could not choose which counsellor they saw.

Within my private practice, one of the strongest feelings I noticed within myself was a wondering, a disbelief almost, that a white client would “choose” to see me for therapy. I explored this feeling within my personal therapy and supervision and managed to understand what this feeling was about. This feeling reflected something very important about my experience of oppression and informed me about the unconscious process of the client I was seeing. It also unveiled a deeper understanding of my own choice of therapists over the years. I started to understand my own journey of racial identity and development more clearly and became more aware of my clients’ journeys.

In this blog, I explore the model of black racial identity by Cross (1991). This model provides a framework in which to understand the journey of the person of colour. I am aware that there have been other racial identity models developed by other people which may also be used to understand racial identity. However, for the purposes of this blog, I have only focused on Cross’s model. It is important to remember that although I have described each stage of Cross’s model in a linear fashion, the journey of the individual may not be such – it is possible that the person of colour will experience each stage in a different order or will perhaps alternate between stages at different times. I also believe that some of these stages may overlap.

Black Racial Identity

Cross related the transition of the black identity through a five-stage theory of acquisition of black identification. He called this theory Nigrescence which can be translated into “the process of becoming black”. Initially, he identified the pre-encounter stage which had the following characteristics:

Pre-Encounter
- A dependency on white society for self-definition and approval.
- Racial identity attitudes towards blackness are negative, and white culture/society is viewed as the ideal.
- Race is not a salient aspect of identity and the importance of race is denied.
- Blacks distant themselves from their own racial identity.
- A desire to be judged on own merits irrespective of race – “wearing the mask of whiteness”.
Wearing the mask of whiteness is something that I greatly identified with whilst growing up. As a child, I wished I was white/English because I did not want to be different from the other children at school – I rejected my own cultural heritage. Reflecting on my journey as a counselling client, I continued to reject the Asian part of me by choosing a white female psychotherapist to work with whilst completing my therapy training. Interestingly, I do not remember being asked by my therapist, my supervisors or tutors on my course why I had made this choice. I believe this silence or denial unconsciously reinforced my rejection and reflected how psychotherapy and society had rejected this part of me too. The rejection of my own culture was not explored or addressed, it was ignored, as was the ‘whiteness’ within my training course.

As I moved on in my life and eventually decided to see another therapist, I reluctantly saw an Asian therapist – I remember being quite distrustful of her. I felt like she was going to judge me and not understand my battle with my own culture. However, I experienced this therapy as very holding, empathic and understanding of my culture. It was with this therapist that I started to accept the Asian part of myself. I started to understand the meaning and significance of my race and realised how this difference had affected my life negatively. I had always felt that I had been treated differently and that my difference had negatively impacted my life, but I was not sure of how to verbalise this; my journey of oppression, feelings of anger and hurt remained buried deep inside me. With this therapist, I was able to talk about the racism I had experienced. I felt it was at this point in my life that I entered the encounter stage which Cross identifies with the following characteristics:

Encounter
- Begins when an individual has a personal and challenging racial experience.
- The encounter status is marked by confusion about the meaning and significance of race.
- An increasing desire to become more aligned with one’s Black identity.
- Lifting the mask of whiteness and connect with the significance of racial difference.
- Realisation that race alone can lead to negative treatment.
At this point I was able to connect the racial dots from my earlier life – it felt like a waking up. I understood now for example why I was not chosen to play for the school netball trials and when I asked to play, I was put on the side as a reserve. Ironically when I did finally get to play, I was the best player in the team and went on to play and win many tournaments for the school. I could finally make sense of my experience and attribute my anger to the right place. I sometimes hear BME clients also have this light bulb moment where they can finally breathe out and recognise how their race has negatively affected them and their lives.

Immersion-Emersion

It was with my most recent white therapist that I was able to fully enter the following stage of immersion-emersion. I started to connect with the positive aspects of being from an ethnic minority. I started to really connect with my rage towards white culture and explore the history of my own cultural background. I wonder if the growing number of extremists (both far right and IS) are at this stage- there is a rejection of the ‘other’ culture and a ‘coming home’ to one’s own culture. Some of the characteristics Cross identifies during this stage seem to fit the psychological profiling of these groups of people:
- Having negative feelings towards whites and white culture.
- Anger towards whites and avoidance of white associated issues.
- Everything of value is about black or blackness.
- Tendency to denigrate white people.
- Exploring roots of own blackness.
Now, I feel like I mostly fluctuate between the last 2 stages of internalisation and internalisation-commitment but occasionally slip into the immersion-emersion stage.

Internalisation
- Realising that blacks and whites have strengths and weaknesses.
- One’s black identity is experienced as a positive, important, and valued aspect of self.
- Respects whites and tolerates their differences.
- Pro-black attitude.
- Is more expansive and open, less defensive.
- A greater willingness to interact with other groups or whites.
Internalisation-commitment
- Actively promotes the welfare of black people.
- Feels secure in their own blackness
- Effectively participates in a broader multi-cultural context.
One of the factors which helped me value my experience as an Asian woman was my white therapist’s ability and skill to show empathy and understanding towards my cultural background and the oppression I had experienced. My therapist was able to hold their own feelings of guilt and shame whilst I explored my journey of hurt and oppression – this felt very healing and crucial for the development of my racial identity. I have also healed through my work with white clients who have identified their privilege when exploring cultural dynamics within the therapy room.

To conclude

The stages of racial identity development which Cross identify are very important to explore in therapists’ own personal therapy, counselling training and CPD. This model shows how people of colour relate to their own culture and to the ‘other’ culture they are in relationship with. When we consider the relational aspect of therapy, not exploring this dynamic feels avoidant and resistant.

I believe that when we choose a therapist, their racial background is significant even if there is no conscious recognition of it. Clients choice of therapist will reflect which development stage they are at, which will inform the therapist of the emotional and psychological themes present for the client in and outside the therapy room. The onus is on the therapist to understand and work with the stages of racial identity for effective transcultural therapy to take place.

Other useful blogs:

Terrorism: how the world is reacting to a violent colonial history

References

Cross, W. E. (1991) Shades of Black. Philadelphia. Temple University Pres

Resources

https://www.wvc.edu/students/support/diversity/media/documents/Stages%20of%20Racial%20Identity%20Development.pdf
February 27, 2019

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